Life in the Hole
No fancy colognes or sportswear
Just a gay pink t-shirt to wear
A white jump sailing
You can work for a dollar a day
Or dream your life away
For the crime of being different
Please pass the paxil with my daily ration of Salami
The guards wear green like rangers at Yellow Stone National park
where they beat you and greet you with the same innocent smile.
Copyright December 2006 Not a Good Queer
(Of course inmates in the hole cannot work, but this line is for the other inmates that I met in the hole working for a couple of stamps).
NAGQ, Not a Good Queer, cut my wrists after 10 days of hazing and a sexual assault by guards. I was then put in this psych unit within the jail with no bed, mattress,blanket, pillow. I told them that inmates who are people could die of hypothermia versus suicide. Their were staff who helped me and recognized their hazing. Thank you nurse Francine for helping me get my dog back and thank you medical Lonnie Harner for saving my life. NAGQ went on a four day hunger strike in this unit, but Lonnie Harner told me to eat and that he would put me into another unit so I would not have to go back to the hole.
County Chairman Ted Wheeler and "Bernie" the man currently responsible for the Multnomah County Sheriff's Departments policies, do you condone torture?
Not a Good Queer, NAGQ, was put in a psych unit with no clothes, no pillow, no blanket, no mattress, and kept in a cell for 192 hours straight without being let out at all. I was fed imitation sandwich meat, an orange, a drink, three times a day. I was finally given my heart medication and anti-depressant after 10 days of being jailed. The guards were too busy watching football on television than to supervise me in eating a hot meal with a plastic fork. I did request a shower after three days of my menstrual cycle. This request was denied by the staff Sargent. The guards would not give me pads so I kicked out the door a dirty rag. Guardsmen Hammond called me a pig when Nurse Practitioner(NP) Lonnie Harner, came to my cell after four days, and laid out a plan to get me off of suicide watch and to go into another psych unit in the hole.. I went to another psych unit, and after I complained about the need of another blanket, I was put back into my original hole by Guardsmen Bloodsue. He told me in front of Nurse Francine that my dog, Rowdy, was dead. I did not respond to his "intentional abuse" until a group of visitors came to visit my hole in which I told them, "do not be fooled, these people are animals". I lossed a level for this behavior because one has to have good behavior to be fed.
Of course this move, kept me on level 4 after being in locked down for three weeks, I was Not a Good Queer. Eventually, I was brought back to the Pscyh Unit after NP Lonnie Harner kept advocating for me. My lawyer did not take collect calls, and even though he told me to stay in my apartment and negociated 15,000 to move without waving my right to sue for discrimination, he was nowhere to be found to defend me over my risk of staying in a hostile environment.
The article below describes the Portland Police who profiled me and now I am advocating for all prisoners of Multnomah County to have a bed to sleep on, no matter what unit.....
NAGQ was falsely arrested on November 12Th. After spending 10 days in the hole and being terrorized by deputies in jail, NAGQ cut his/her writs to get away form the heckling. The day before Thanksgiving NAGQ, wrote three grievances and gave them to deputies. One of the grievances were that only religious material could be read by prisoners on level five. I asked for nonreligious materials or religious materials that were queer friendly. That day, I was not fed nor given my fifteen minute walk. Other jail inmates heckled homophobia to me all day long but the guards said that I could not get my walk because I was fighting with other inmates about my sexuality. I then heckled Guardsmen Maxwell for not feeding me. He said, "that he was going to get his Tasser gun and Tasser me". NAGQ responded, "that he was fat all his life and the kids in the school yard must have really picked on him for him, which is why is was so mean".
He came back with a Staff Sargent. The Sargent came into my cell and he cited to me that I said fuck you to Guardsmen Maxwell which is why I was not going to be fed. Guardsmen Maxwell was outside my open cell door with a Tasser beam on me, pointing it into my cell. I asked why the Tasser was on and the Sargent told me that he was a small guy and he needed protection from me. I laughed at that excuse and felt the Tasser was just part of ongoing harassment. The Sargent left which left Maxwell alone with me to do whatever he wanted. Maxwell used the intercom in my cell and cited homophobic remarks and called me a "scanky hoe". I did not buzz him back, he just kept talking on the intercom. I told the cell mate next to me about what he was doing. He told me not to be a snitch and things would get better. Maxwell left the bright lights on in my cell all night. I knew that I had to get out of this hell because I could not call my lawyer and I was being refused to my daily 15 minutes of collect calls for help. I bite off my shampoo bottle and started to cut my wrists North to South. I knew if one was serious about suicide that this was the right way to leave behind this oppression. I needed out of the unit and I took a chance that my life would not end. I cut from 10pm until 9am. It already had been 48 hours of not being let out of my cell. The next morning was Thanksgiving and guardsmen Simpson let "Lefty" out first for his walk even though Lefty had been abusing me. I asked Lefty to call my family and demand that they make a 50,000 dollar bail to get me out of this hell. Lefty told me that my family said that I was guilty and that I had to do my time. That my dog was dead. This was all a lie, but I could not get to the phone and call myself.
I screamed out with horror and tried to finish the job on my wrists. The plastic was not sharp so I had to dig it in deep to get blood. I had written a note to nurse Francine about being suicidal, but this was two days ago. I cut deeper and deeper until blood came out of my wrists.
I paged medical but no answer. The guards figured out what I was doing and guardsmen Simpson, who I respect, pleaded for me to stop. I could have cut further and forced them to come and my cell to get me out. Instead I listened to Simpson, turned around in the cell and put my cut hands through the gate to be handcuffed. Four male guards escorted me out of the unit, three of them were present during my initial intake. The guards names were HASE, Simpson and the biggest abuser named Jameson. The female guard who showed up was Tracy Owens who was going to do my strip search. I pleaded to Simpson that I filed a complaint with Sargent Gates on my second day in jail against Gaurdswomen Owens who grabbed my breast and lifted me upon on a table via using my cuffed hands behind my back to lift me. I begged like a pig for them to stop. I yelled that they cut my wrists and a nurse came out for inspection. Then they threw me into a cell with my collarbone hitting the concrete first then the rest of my body. I flinched when Owens grabbed my breast so I guess this justified their behavior. They said I kicked during the search but they took off my shoes and I did not touch anyone.
I told Simpson, that he could find another female in the building to do the strip search. He ignored me, after being threatened again with another Tasser beam, I bent over to the guard who lied and put me in the hole.
The nurses asked me what was the first thing I was going to do out of jail, I told them that I was going to sue them. Thanks for the good time. I am coming for you. Thanks to nurse Francine, I have my dog back!
I Still Rise. By Dr. Maya Angelou